Emptiness - A chapter of her story

 In between the silent walls, she watch herself being in a struggle, actually a solitary struggle. Hours pass into days, days stretch into weeks and still her invisible soul stroll around the house, a house of four phantoms! Not a single communication, barely sharing anything with her parents! In her place, an eerie silence has settled, like a relentless fog that obscures the path ahead. 

She never realised how they've been so close, once, and now, drifting apart. Awkwardness in every gaze they exchange. She now, feels the chill of the empty spaces. Unnoticed, she is lost in a world of long-range goals, which she thinks won't be accomplished, regrettably!

In her secluded chamber, she sketches her isolations and emotions with tender grace, yet alas, they remain in the art itself. Her parents prioritize her academic achievements and well-being at the dinner table, valuing her good performance in studies and ensuring she enjoys nutritious meals. However, their interest extends primarily to these aspects, leaving other facets of her life less explored or acknowledged.

Sometimes, crying her heart out behind the small almirah of her room. Other times, watching the Mango tree in the yard through her window, thinking and thinking. She finds herself restricted from visiting friends, taking leisurely walks, or engaging in phone conversations with others, all due to her father's strong disapproval of these activities. Occasionally, when she seeks her father's permission, it can lead to tense moments, as his response often results in heated disagreements between them. In their home, visitors are a rarity, as her mother strongly prefers a quiet environment. When someone expresses interest in visiting, it stirs a sense of worry and tension within her, mindful of her mother's discomfort with guests.

She has wrestled with thoughts of ending her own pain, own life numerous times, but the daunting bravery required for such an act has prevented her from taking that path. She has become a soul confined within her own home, her family a distant presence akin to phantoms, a fear she carries that can be unsettling. Anxiety has become her constant companion in this familiar yet isolating environment. 

She has grown weary of the facade she presents to her friends and relatives, the act of pretending that everything is fine when, in reality, she is not. Her mental state has deteriorated into a persistent battle with overwhelming depression, a frightening loop from which she struggles to break free on her own. 

Now, as she walks by the road, thinking of throwing herself on the road over the speedy vehicles. At times, she thinks of harming herself with the gas stove on, or worse watching the knife, picturing herself hurting. She finds herself in a situation where she feels isolated, as her fear of being around people has left her with no one to confide in or share her thoughts with.

Yes, she is suffering from socialphobia because of her comorbidity of mixed feelings of sadness, hopelessness and a persistent low mood associated with social anxiety disorder.